Monday, February 1, 2010

I feel like a fat, pasty-white slug in a teddy!

Ever wonder why in the hell Valentines day is in February? I mean, its right after the holidays and everyone seems to gain a couple pounds. Not only that, most of us in the north haven't seen the sun since September so our skin is all pasty. AND there is the problem of dry skin!

So I feel like a bloated, fat, pasty white slug in a teddy. good times. Thanks a lot to whoever chose February and Valentines day to be right smack in the middle of winter.

So, in honor of those of us that feel like obese albino turtles I have compiled a small list of flattering lingerie according to body type/shape.

Choosing flattering lingerie for your body type:

A. Problem: Pear Shape
1. Nightgowns with asymmetrical hemlines (the eye goes to the hem instead of the problem area)
2. Camisoles with pj bottoms
3. V-neck type lingerie tops, or plunging necklines
4. Show a lot of skin on the top and attention will be drawn to it.
5. Short chemise or little nightie with ruffles or lace on the neckline will draw the eye towards the top and your bottom won’t be the center of attention.
6. Light colors on top, dark on the bottom

B. Problem: You are short and want to look taller
1. Vertical stripes
2. Wear heels with your lingerie!
3. Avoid fussy gowns, keep it simple.

C. Problem: Huge Bust (I don't think this would necessarily be a problem, but who the hell am I?)
1. Premolded support is available in some modern lingerie.
2. Avoid shoulder pads, embrace long flowing lines
3. Wear a sexy vintage bullet bra, open bottom girdle and stockings instead of traditional lingerie!
4. Cowl necks look fabulous
5. No ruffles up top, keep it simple.
6. Halter neck gowns
7. Empire waistlines are fab if you want to show off your endowments, but avoid if you are trying to downplay them.

I will elaborate this list very soon.

Have a great day!